Our neighborhood is fabulous for a growing 9 year old girl!  We stayed home for spring break, since we usually travel during February break, when it’s just dreadful here in NY.  Spring break is sunny and smells good and fun for bike riding and rollerblading and yes…trampolining!  I love that we have little girls B’s age next door, but I hardly see her anymore!  It shows me what its going to be like as she gets older and has this “life of her own”.  I know its the point of parenting to raise independent children who make the right choices on their own, but does anyone else feel a bit sad too?  I don’t feel quite as needed.  I think B feels it too…she pops her head in periodically and yells, “Mom???  I LOVE you!”.  Here we go-the beginning of her taking care of me.

So I’m going back to my old job.  Teaching is not the job for me. 

Although it involves a two hour daily commute, the benefits are better, I’m more sane, and the people are like family.  AND I need the intellectual stimulation.  I’m going back full-time to start with and after the new lab is up and running, we’ll establish a schedule/plan that works better for me (as per the new boss).  It’s a management position and I’m excited to go back to my old “family”.

Perk-I’m paid by the school until the end of August and I left my old job at the end of August last year…as long as I return within a year I still get all my old “perks” back just like I never left.  Extended vacation time that I earned after ten years of service there.

Drawbacks-it’s a long commute.  I don’t totally mind the drive, but I have to keep a gas-friendly vehicle and it won’t make sense to get a new fancy car.  Oh well…I’d rather wake up happy to go to my job.  I know I’m crazy to sign back up for that commute, but I’ve missed that place.

I won’t ever go back to teaching.  I was going to use this year to close out that “student teaching” requirement and I won’t even bother to go through the steps required to finish out certification.  I don’t like it and I’d probably wait tables before I ever went back to it.  Let’s call that almost completely Masters in Education degree a complete waste of time and money.  Oh well.  I’ll kick myself each time I pay that student loan each month but honestly I really am happier to go back to research.  And the job is pretty flexible and like I said, we’ll modify accordingly once we get my new lab going.  I’m excited to work for such a brilliant guy with such cool research!

And oh yeah, I won’t have to do any work at home and I’ll be able to blog more.    Thanks for your support guys, back when I made the decision to try teaching.  I should have just taken my boss up on it when he said, “Is there any way I can convince you to stay?”.  I should have said three days a week, ten hour days, and I’ll stay.    Eventually, I hope to do M,T, Th, F with Wednesdays off and a workday of 8-4 on the other days.  Should be ok right?

So I woke up this morning and guess what?  You grew up.  Overnight.  You still snuggle me and give me kisses, but they are the kisses of an older child, who does it more to placate the parent, than for their own comfort.  I go into your room at night and smell your breath, still childlike and sweet and look at the length of you tangled up in the Hello Kitty sheets you still adore.  (Just last weekend, before leaving for your Dad’s, you said, “So Mom, if you wash my sheets, can you just put the same ones back on?  They don’t NEED to be washed, but if you do, can you just make sure you put them back on before I get home?  The same ones?  Ok?  Mom…the Hello Kitty ones you know?”.  Got it princess…got it).

I love how mature you have become and how enjoyable you are.  The things you require from me are no longer any sort of obligation or work, but fun!  We have such a great time together.  I drag you everywhere I have to go, because I so love your company!  Not all your friends are like this-their parents don’t love all their moments with them, but I cherish them.  I know you are the only baby I’ll ever have…and the days are just running right out of your childhood.

You are 9.  When I was 9, I was in 4th grade and had my first boyfriend.  We are still friends to this day.  I cared about what people thought.  I started to develop my own interests and opinions.  I know where you are at and I love how you are growing up.  But how I wish you would stay who you are now.  The girl who still loves when we go to Nana and Poppa’s and we get to sleep in the same bed and wake up together.  I dread the day that our relationship becomes “grown-up”.  Who will keep me young then?

Disciplining you, when I have to do it, albeit rarely, is tough.  I don’t like to see you sad, but I want you to be a good person.  So I do it.  And then I run in and hug you when you are sleeping and whisper in your ear, “I love you.  You are my favorite person EVER.  You are amazing and I adore you”.  then I sneak out, only to check on you several other times in the night (and tuck in that leg that inevitably pops out of the covers two seconds after I leave the room).  But it makes me tear up a little…to know you aren’t a baby anymore.  And you never will be again.  I blinked and it was gone. I won’t have a baby again.  Ok, now I might cry in studyhall…the students would love that right?

You now are a whole shoe size larger than me.  Shopping in stores that teenagers shop in.  Doing your homework because you CARE, not because I force you.  Talking about your dream jobs and what college will be like someday.  College???  Seriously?  Sweetie, make sure it’s someplace warm, because I know I’m going to have to be close by.

So I’m leaving teaching.  I do not like it.  I’m not going to finish up the certification to finish out my Masters in the content (it’s pricey and involves lots of jumping through ridiculous hoops, as NYS is prone to require of it’s working people).  I will not do this job again.  I don’t like it…it’s boring and my brain needs some intellectual stimulation.  And crap.  I feel like I’ve been off half the year.  I thought I had minimal social interaction as a scientist, but there is even less as a teacher.  Unless you count my silly teenage Chemistry students.  Teaching college was fun…this, well I don’t even know what I would categorize this as.

I’m going back to my old job.  I had an “interview” on Monday.  It went remarkably well.  It was to work for two new investigators coming in…on a new system, a parasite that is a tremendous problem for developing countries.  And to be their lab manager for both labs.  It sounded like such a good fit and I even broached the whole possiblity of working part-time status, with 3 ten hour days and it was not dismissed…even stated as a very likely possiblity.  Also, it wouldn’t need me on regular schedule until some point in August, so I could still have this summer off with my girl.  It all sounds so good…the three days a week I work, B will have to get a sitter who can pick her up from school and stay with her for an hour or two.  And she’ll have to get up for school and get dressed, since I’ll leave before she’s up, three days a week.  We talked about it and she’s fine, since I’ll be home two more days a week now.  She’s going to be ten when this all happens and my husband will make sure she’s up and fed for school.  He already drops her at her Daddy’s house so he can bring her to school each day.  Hopefully this all falls into place as nicely as it sounds.  I’m so excited to get back to work.  And very grateful to all the people who are helping to make that happen.

And hopefully, I’ll have lots more time to blog!

Little mans mom, http://littlemansmom.wordpress.com/2008/08/23/taggedpart-deux/,  tagged me way back in August and I’m not sure how I missed it.  I usually do my tags.  Sorry about the links…here at work they block nearly everything so it’s like primitive blocking.  Even with the password I can’t fix that one.

So I’m supposed to give you six words that define me, here goes:

1. Mom – I can’t think of anything that defines me more.  I’ll say it again…she is every single reason for everything I’ve done, ever since the evening she was conceived.  I’m guessing, no, scratch that, I know, that she will continue to be the reason in my life for all of my days.  No one else has had such influence on who I have become and who I want to be.

2. Independent-This would count as a flaw.  I’m horribly independent, I don’t want help, I’ll do it my way because it’s the only way that works.  Yeah I know, very foolish and I’m trying to squash it a little so I can keep my marriage (I married a nurturing, I’ll-take-care-of-you sort of man), but it’s who I am and it’s who I have always been.

3. Dreamer-That one may never change.  I still dream about so many things and even imaginary things.  Like I wish vampires existed, not just Edward, but vampires in general.  I wish the monogamous marriage had not gone by the wayside…my parents have one, why don’t more people?  I wish peace on earth was or could be a reality, but given human nature I think it’s not likely.  I dream about everything.  I want to try tons of jobs and be tons of different people.  I want to just lie around and dream.  It’s what I do well.  I dream about the day I’ll send B to college, down the aisle, into the delivery room for her own little bundle…I dream big, little…I just dream.  All the time.  I dream that one day…the Notebook will become a reality for every sappy chick like me.  And I’ve got it really good…but still, I dream.

4. OCD/Perfectionist- Not really the same thing but I didn’t want to waste two words on semi-similar things.  The OCD is consuming.  I’ve read tons of books in the last decade on it, I have it under control, but it’s what makes me intolerant of others on some level.  I’m really getting a handle on it, but it’s in my genes.  And I do not like things done if they aren’t done right.  Why bother?  This would also be why teaching notoriously lazy teens, isn’t the job for me after all.

5. Sporty- I like doing anything sporty and anything outside.  Swimming, hiking, running, gardening (not sporty but I still love it), playing with my dog, trampolining with B, jet skiing, mountain biking, rollerblading, soccer.  My life has been defined by the fact that I had (and still have) very athletic parents.  In my world, we don’t go to gyms…the world is our gym.  Sometimes when I’m feeling my muscles tighten on my daily run, I’ll chant my Dad’s old Marine corps saying “Pain is just weakness leaving the body”…and he’d be proud, because it gets me through some more miles.  Didn’t snowboard at all this year!!!  But we’ll go back to it…it’s been more of an ice-skating kinda year for B and I.  I’m not a pushy mom…and she wasn’t all gung-ho for it on the weekends it was nice enough to go.  It can wait. 

6. Technological-I love gadgets and science and all the toys that go along with anything…cooking, running…whatever.  I love reading about gadgets, playing with gadgets, fixing them….it’s fun to me.  I have a male brain.  I don’t need much cuddling or bringing me flowers, I’m very rarely emotional over anything in the everyday life and I’d rather have a new Apple product than most anything else.

All done!

I’ve been slacking again!  I’m headed to St. Maarten on Friday and I wanted to get a post in…but who knows, maybe I’ll actually have time to post while I’m there!

I wanted to talk about Twilight.  Although it was targeted to a teen audience, I read those books so fast, it was like they were magazines.  And I dragged the husband to the movie.    I joke that he officially lost his “man card” on that one.  So, let’s talk about it…all my girlfriends lament over the fact that guys aren’t more like Edward.  What do you think?  Are there some Edwards out there?  Are we too picky?  I think even when we’ve got it really good, there are still things about our significant other, that just aren’t what we dream of when we think of marriage, as a child.  I know this because my daughter talks about what her “prince” will be like…and I tell her that we need to not set the bar so high.  We shouldn’t make a cookie cutter “Edward”…appreciate people for all of their different attributes.

But anyway…don’t ya just love Edward?

Today I am 35.  My mom was 35 when I was 15!!!  I remember her being that age.  Hmmm.  Something to ponder.  But I DID wake up with a cold sore tingling on my bottom lip…and just when I’d been saying I didn’t have many in the recent past.  I used to have them often…B gets them…my stepson had one of the worst cases ever this past week.  Actually last night I was applying his medicine before bed and told him I’d be fine because I was washing my hands.  Yep.  Shows just how little I know after 11 years spent working in the viral immunology field.    That unpredictable HSV-1.  Bane of my existence.  How dare you sabotage my little fairy-tale life?

All in all, I’m thrilled it’s my birthday.  After work, my daughter will practice violin, then head to dance class and at 5:30 pm, my parents and my brother and his family will be at my house.  My mom always make me Shephards Pie for my birthday and white cake with 7-minute frosting.  That stuff I wait all year for.  I need to get the recipe.  Last year, one day ago…my grandmother who introduced me to that frosting and who made it for me until she was unable to do so, passed away.  I was flying home from Hawaii and found out about her death when I landed at my Chicago layover.  I had spoken to her before I left and told her I got married the day before…on a beach, in Hawaii!  Can you imagine???  Ok…no tearing up here at work…more later.

My lovely nephews sent me a video this morning…where the older one, my buddy to the max, said “Happy Birthday Aunt Shann…I LOOOOOOOVE you.”.  In that incredibly heart melting voice.  Yep I cried.  No wonder I spoil those two.  Can’t wait to see them tonight.  I’m the new baby’s godmommy…we celebrated the special event on Sunday.  Lucky me…Baby Nate is extra special too.

Anyway, I wanted to give you guys an update…I’m getting better at posting…it’s all uphill from here…it’s finals week of this semester now.  Lots of time to post next week.  And yes, it’s been one year since I was married on Kukio Bay Beach in Hawaii.  Lovely memories.  We’ll be celebrating in a few weeks in St. Maarten.  With the mixed blessing of a kid-free vacation.  Mixed because B and I aren’t good with separation…we don’t really do it much.  And for that length of time or distance…only once before….my 30th birthday trip to Mexico.  I miss her just thinking about it.  But she’s 9 and we’ve been preparing ourselves mentally and I seriously do need a break.  I’ll have to mentally prepare to enjoy it. 

Have a great day ladies and if any of you are on FaceBook, I’d love to add you there…I’m definitely more regular on that one because my BlackBerry gets FB.  Hope all your babies are healthy and happy and all my single mama bloggers are staying strong and raising those powerful people.

Much love to all…

-Shannon

Hey there!  How have you guys been?  I miss you, I’ve been thinking of you, but I’ve been overwhelmed with balancing everything.  The relatively new marriage, living together, blended family, new job, and so on.  BUT I did think about all of you often.  And I’m back.  And I’m going to try to post at least weekly from now on…so will you guys come back?  I miss your daily presence.  I loved when my BlackBerry vibrated and it was you guys replying to a post or commenting or emailing.  My virtual friends rock.  And I miss you…wait I said that already right?

Ok, so if you let me back in this special club, here’s what I’ve got for ya.  I’m almost done, three more weeks to go…of my first semester.  My school does semestering.  Meaning my science students have me every day for eighty minutes…160 on the days they have lab.  Physics has turned out to be the class that is “easier” to teach, even though I don’t know it as well.  I’m guessing that it’s because I have been learning more right along with them.  Chemisty is my stronger subject, but I have younger kids in that one and some of them really don’t want to be there.  After teaching college, I have to say discipline and motivating is not something I really was used to having to do.  That’s the part I DON’T like.

I’m excited to say that next semester from February to June I only have Chemistry and the corresponding labs.  Which is sweet and should allow me a bit more time.  Especially since I have all the PowerPoints pretty much done.  This semester I made them as I went for each topic.  Ugh.

On another note, I’m thinking of finishing out this year and heading back to the two hour daily commute (as opposed to this new two minute one) and my old job.  I miss it and the people too much.  As far as how this job has affected my time with Miss B and our lives together, that’s the next post I swear.  It’s been mixed really.  Not as much of a blessing as I’d thought, but a blessing nonetheless.  She’s in on the decision to go back to my old job.  By the way, the girl is FABULOUS.  Kids raised by single mamas are just so thoughful, generous, grateful and most of all KIND.  And beautiful.  Inside and out.  I’m in love with my 9 year old daughter…even when she’s grouchy.  Oh yeah, and we’ve had the SEX talk!  I can’t wait to update you on THAT one.  The girl is just too smart.  Pictures will follow too, I promise.  And by the way, she looks 14.  You won’t believe it.

By the way, who has a BlackBerry?  Email me your PIN ladies please…I’d like to have the instant ability to BB message with you.  It’s faster and so accessible.

I’m going to go browse YOUR blogs now.  And catch up on your lives…gosh what if you guys are all married and blogless now…that will stink…I gotta go find you.  Right away.

Sorry, but the posts will be short and sweet.  At least for awhile.  I’ve never, ever, ever been this busy in my whole life.

Teaching Chemistry comes naturally and still is a lot of work, but Physics consumes my life.  I get home and work until bedtime planning, correcting, reading…re-learning.  I’m hanging in there, but just barely.  All for the excitement of a summer off with my girly.

Thanks so much to all of you who have been checking in on me.  I’m still here, just barely reading blogs and not really posting, but I’m going to try to do one a week at least.

B has been very ill, rather unusual since she’s got such a great immune system (don’t you feel like you are cursing yourself by saying something like that?), so I’ve had that on my plate too, but other than that she’s her fabulous self and picking her up every day makes the crazy day a bit better.

In addition, there really are some very nice teenagers out there.  Hardworking, with a strong belief in God.  Some of these kids are nothing like what I remember 16-18 year olds as.  Others…well, I remember those.  It’s a learning curve for me too, but I’m working my butt off!

In January they take the Regents exams and then I get a whole new batch of students!  And only Chemistry for the second semester.  That will be when I can finally breathe and work on creating newer, more fun curriculum.

I sure do miss you guys. 

I have a post in mind, but prepping for this starting school year and the new job has me in a frenzy.  I’m teaching Chemistry, Physics, a couple labs for each, AND a study skills class.  I’m going to take it one day at a time and with lots of prayer.  For now, I’m enjoying the last few days before my girl goes back to school next week (and me too)-and life gets more hectic.  Thanks for bearing with me and I will certainly be back soon!

I’m checking my reader sporadically so most of you are still hearing from me somewhat.