This picture was taken at the Hard Rock Cafe in Kona Hawaii, not too far from the beach we were married on this January. She’s only eight, but it is in pictures like these, that I see her teen self starting to emerge.
How I hope she keeps those bright, engaging eyes and her confident, self-assured personality! I hope she loses a little bit of that eagerness to please everyone, that I see in her now and then. Voice your opinion, I tell her. Stand up to people for what you believe! Even to me. And she does…a little more each day…but it’s a work in progress. I hope she keeps this beautiful smell and her spattering of freckles across her nose. I hope she knows how amazing she is. Every day of her life, I tuck her to bed with “You are a beautiful, amazing, creative girl and your Mommy loves you so very much!”. If I stall on saying it, she says, “You can’t go yet…you haven’t said it”. When I once went on a vacation without her, I recorded my voice saying it to her on this little Christmas ornament that records a message, so my wonderful mother could play it for her every night. My mom accidentally recorded blank airtime over it and had to re-record it in her own voice and screwed up the order of what to say…but my little princess never hurt her Nana by pointing that out. But she knew. We often talk of how funny it is that I wanted a boy! I so didn’t want to share her Daddy, that I wanted a boy, so I’d always be his only girl. When we found out at her sonogram that she was a SHE…I was at a loss. Obviously, I adapted. 🙂 She thinks its hilarious. And I can’t imagine who I’d be if I hadn’t had HER. She redefined my whole concept of femininity and how incredulous being a girl is. My new husband says, “You just wait. My son is hard now, but B will give you a hard time in a few years…you won’t be so close”. I beg to differ. When I mentioned that to B, she said “He doesn’t know a thing, does he? I’ll always cuddle you, even when you come see me at college”. I sincerely think she will. I’ve seen other moms of 14 year olds who tell me they still have a bond like that with their girls. My dental hygenist told me last week, that her 14 year old is an old soul who still loves her mother just the same and still is very, very bonded. I know we’ll have rough patches, who doesn’t? But I think that 5 years spent alone with her and my close attention to her and respecting her…well, I just think we’ll work through it all just fine. If my own mother (who I’m very close to now) had just been more open with me, and more approachable, well, I would have told her more. I strive to be strict, but not unreasonable. I can even be negotiated with and I’ve been known to tell her, yeah, she’s right…I’m sorry. She helps me think of appropriate punishments, and trust me, she is pretty hard on herself! My punishments are sometimes easier!
Hey wait, I don’t get to go with her when she goes to college? WHAT?
I love you B. And I wish you weren’t at school and I wasn’t at work, and we were out on our bikes, tearing up a mountain trail. You go girl.