Though I suppose you aren’t so “little” anymore, we still continue to call you that.
You have made my life exactly what it’s supposed to be.
You are the kindest, most empathetic, compassionate person I’ve ever met. You have more spunk in your one braid than most of us do in our entire body (could it be from watching Bring It On-All Or Nothing so many times?;)).
I’m sorry it’s raining today. I know you wanted a boating birthday, but we’ll do that another day. I guess maybe it’s God crying happy too. I know yesterday and today, I’ve been emotional. Last night, when I “kissed eight goodbye” and you laughed at me, I was serious when I said you are halfway to college. Unlike lots of people, it hasn’t flown by-it’s been AMAZING. I’ve never had so much fun in my life and I’ve certainly never loved so much. And “kissing nine” this morning, well that was pretty special. I’m sure I’ll be a bigger wreck next year when you hit the double digits.
It’s been you and me for so long, and this past year, when we moved in with the boys and got married, well it’s been a much harder adjustment for your mommy than for you. I’ve never really been good at sharing you. That’s why I didn’t give birth to you until the day they were scheduled to induce you to come out. I like you being mine all mine. I know that’s selfish, but I just enjoy so much about you. That attitude is amazing. Where did that come from? You have so much of your Daddy too. His creative side, the musical side, the laid back demeanor-that’s him. The hyper, perky, childlike fun side…ha, ha, that’s your momma. Silly faces and endless giggling to the point where we can’t breathe…oh yeah, momma again. There are some days I miss our alone life so very much. We still spend lots of alone time, but it’s very different. You love being a “family”. You love being surrounded by more people than I do. B, you are going to do really great things. Yes, even greater than showing your mommy what real love is.
I of course, got you tons of presents. But when I went to work yesterday, I played Tim McGraw’s song “My Little Girl” (the one we did a video of you with for your Daddy’s birthday this year), and I realized one thing. This whole job decision has been so hard because of a comfort zone issue. But I have the option now to choose the most important thing-time with you. Thank you for being the one steady constant in the five years of single motherhood. The reason I got up. The person I crawled into bed with on all those long, lonely nights. Your breath and warm skin soothed me more than you will ever know.
I choose you baby. I’m letting go of my fear of depending on someone financially and I’m jumping into a risky prospect because you won’t need any daycare or any summer care. For the next nine years-I choose you. I choose to spend time with you and love you and wake up with summers full of no obligation. I may have to pull out all the stops someday and find another job or something, but for now, I’m going to take this one. And choose…you.