Happy 9th Birthday Little B!

Though I suppose you aren’t so “little” anymore, we still continue to call you that.  

You have made my life exactly what it’s supposed to be.  

You are the kindest, most empathetic, compassionate person I’ve ever met.  You have more spunk in your one braid than most of us do in our entire body (could it be from watching Bring It On-All Or Nothing so many times?;)). 

I’m sorry it’s raining today.  I know you wanted a boating birthday, but we’ll do that another day.  I guess maybe it’s God crying happy too.  I know yesterday and today, I’ve been emotional.  Last night, when I “kissed eight goodbye” and you laughed at me, I was serious when I said you are halfway to college.  Unlike lots of people, it hasn’t flown by-it’s been AMAZING.  I’ve never had so much fun in my life and I’ve certainly never loved so much.  And “kissing nine” this morning, well that was pretty special.  I’m sure I’ll be a bigger wreck next year when you hit the double digits.  

It’s been you and me for so long, and this past year, when we moved in with the boys and got married, well it’s been a much harder adjustment for your mommy than for you.  I’ve never really been good at sharing you.  That’s why I didn’t give birth to you until the day they were scheduled to induce you to come out.  I like you being mine all mine.  I know that’s selfish, but I just enjoy so much about you.  That attitude is amazing.  Where did that come from?  You have so much of your Daddy too.  His creative side, the musical side, the laid back demeanor-that’s him.  The hyper, perky, childlike fun side…ha, ha, that’s your momma.  Silly faces and endless giggling to the point where we can’t breathe…oh yeah, momma again.   There are some days I miss our alone life so very much.  We still spend lots of alone time, but it’s very different.  You love being a “family”.  You love being surrounded by more people than I do.  B, you are going to do really great things.  Yes, even greater than showing your mommy what real love is.  

I of course, got you tons of presents.  But when I went to work yesterday, I played Tim McGraw’s song “My Little Girl” (the one we did a video of you with for your Daddy’s birthday this year), and I realized one thing.  This whole job decision has been so hard because of a comfort zone issue.  But I have the option now to choose the most important thing-time with you.  Thank you for being the one steady constant in the five years of single motherhood.  The reason I got up.  The person I crawled into bed with on all those long, lonely nights.  Your breath and warm skin soothed me more than you will ever know.  

I choose you baby.  I’m letting go of my fear of depending on someone financially and I’m jumping into a risky prospect because you won’t need any daycare or any summer care.  For the next nine years-I choose you.  I choose to spend time with you and love you and wake up with summers full of no obligation.  I may have to pull out all the stops someday and find another job or something, but for now, I’m going to take this one.  And choose…you.

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Liz
    Jul 23, 2008 @ 09:39:50

    I am totally crying. Beautiful post!

    Happy Birthday, B!

    (And how exciting about the job decision!!)

    Reply

  2. littlemansmom
    Jul 23, 2008 @ 09:52:33

    OH happy happy day!!!!!!!

    Reply

  3. pisceshanna
    Jul 23, 2008 @ 10:29:39

    aww such a good, good post.I got a little teary too. You are so brave and you give me hope for my own future!

    Reply

  4. jenn3
    Jul 23, 2008 @ 12:31:40

    Beautiful post. Congrats on the job decision.

    Reply

  5. Kelly
    Jul 23, 2008 @ 13:12:38

    Happy Birthday B! What a beautiful tribute to her!

    When you said she was hallfway to college, and how monumental a thought that is, it really struck home. This summer I have really been feeling emotional about my 14 year old son. He too, is just such a special kid. I suppose I’ve been sensitive because he will be starting high school and it’s such a big change. But I’ve been teaching him and showing him so many things this summer…. like starting the grill, grilling the burgers, cooking simple things, pumping gas, giving him half the grocery list while in the store and letting him gather the items, letting him do the check-out with the debit card and recording it in the checkbook, putting air in my tires with the compressor, filling out the paperwork for camp…. and more of those kinds of things. The kid’s a hard worker, always has been, and always is eager. He’s loved it all, but one day he asked me why it was so important to me that he does these things. I said, “Because before you know it I will be taking you to your college campus and there are so many things you need to learn still. It’s my job to prepare you and teach you so many things.” He said, “Mom, that’s four years away!That’s a long time.” But it’s not, son. As parents, we all know four years is nothing.

    While he was away at a youth retreat this summer, I got a small taste of what it will be like when he is gone. I can hardly bear to think about it. If the next four years pass like the last four…. I’m going to wake up one morning and be packing the van for college. But I’m glad I am going to get to experience every minute of it.

    I’m so glad you are choosing the new job, choosing more time for you and B together. B will love it and so will you.

    Reply

  6. Jolene
    Jul 24, 2008 @ 20:43:07

    I’m a little late…

    Sorry B didn’t get her boating birthday. This weather is beginning to wear on my nerves.

    Beautiful post. I don’t know who’s luckier, you or B.

    Congrats on the new job or at least the decision to switch to a new job after all these years. Scary stuff.

    Best of luck with it. I’m sure you will love it. What’s not to love?

    My baby (Morgan) turned five today. Makes me sad.

    Reply

  7. Dr. Paul
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 13:59:07

    Love the thoughts, and the sentiment you shared in this post. Babies don’t keep! I’ve got one that turned 18 this year and is off to college next month – can’t believe it flew by so fast. Treasure the moments.

    Reply

  8. Shannon
    Jul 28, 2008 @ 09:29:32

    Thank you guys-so much! I’ll need this virtual support group when I start this job in the fall. I’m nervous, but I think it will be a good change for me. I need a new challenge. (and new hours). When I get all of your comments on my Blackberry, I feel a little boost of support with each one.
    Kelly-what a great mom! It’s so great to teach him all those things now, then he’ll be so self sufficient when you aren’t immediately right there. I had to help my little brother once when he called me at college and my parents were away-I had to give him step-by-step instructions to running the washer!
    Jolene-Happy Birthday to little Morgan!!! And yes, this weather is bizzare. Yesterday started out too choppy for lake time and we went anyway and it turned out beautiful. Watch the weather and then go with the opposite! When I work in the store next summer, you have to come see me! (Or before then would be nice too).

    Reply

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