I’m still here.

I have a post in mind, but prepping for this starting school year and the new job has me in a frenzy.  I’m teaching Chemistry, Physics, a couple labs for each, AND a study skills class.  I’m going to take it one day at a time and with lots of prayer.  For now, I’m enjoying the last few days before my girl goes back to school next week (and me too)-and life gets more hectic.  Thanks for bearing with me and I will certainly be back soon!

I’m checking my reader sporadically so most of you are still hearing from me somewhat.

Her Dad.

BsDaddy is present in her life.  Physically.  Financially.  Not really emotionally and certainly not spiritually.  The first two being the least important of the four in my eyes.  But not necessarily in hers.  Not yet anyway.  I make sure she knows that although he isn’t buying her material items as often as Mommy does, he is giving money to Mommy which allows me that extra spending ability.  And for her to be in expensive sports and activities.  She knows we both contribute financially to her lifestyle.  And she’s grateful.  Yes, even at nine.  That’s just how my girl rolls.

So, although he isn’t what I want him to be in her life-he’s there.  It seems to be enough for her-for now.  And I’m not going to rock that boat.

Although he could have been a bit more excited about her choice yesterday to do this to her hair:

And, as I keep reiterating to NewHusband, we can’t control what goes on in the other parent’s household.  Just like we wouldn’t love if they tried telling US what to do.  (But that’s hard advice to swallow when B tells me she tried to call me Friday night because she couldn’t sleep and she was alone downstairs at Daddy’s house and she worked herself into such a frenzy she had to go be sick in the bathroom.  And I didn’t get the call because I was on the lake where service is in and out, and she didn’t leave a message.  Although now, she knows to next time-TEXT your momma silly girly!).

This is much easier now that she’s nine and understands things better, than it was when she was three.  I used to cry my eyes out when she left for her Daddy’s. 

This post reminds me of that quote:  “Just because someone doesn’t love you like you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have”.  So maybe, he’s loving her the best he can.

August 17th.

This is the day that I married B’s Daddy.  Way back in 1996.  I don’t think I regret that.  Not exactly.  Except that I could have gotten this amazing little girl through a one night stand with him and spared myself all these years of rebuilding, healing and then regressing, only to rebuild again.  Permanent healing?  Does that exist?  I’m guessing not.  It would have been our 12 year anniversary.  And it’s…not.  Every year this day is remotely painful, no matter how fabulous my life is at that moment.  It still feels like exactly what it is-a failure.  

I’m not always as positive as some of you think…lately I’ve been a little more down and actually missing having my own home and my single mama days.  I like being alone a little more than I am, and not having anyone to “answer” to.  The new marriage still feels so, well, “new”.  Even though it’s to someone I’ve known for a long time.  I’ve never lived with anyone other than my ex-husband and that, well, it’s that part that takes getting used to.  It’s not just a new husband, it’s a stepson too.  Am I really cut out for this?  Stepson comes home today, until next Sunday, then he’ll go to his non-custodial mom again for a week.  It’s been very quiet this summer, with him visiting his mom so frequently.  Wondering how we’ll get used to it all again once school begins.  He’s a much, much different type of person than the rest of us.

Time to get moving and get some planning done for the new school year.  I’m hitting paranoia about the new job and the first day of school in front of a pile of high school kids, trying to teach them some subjects they don’t really want to partake in (Chemistry/Physics).  Thanks for listening.

Whose idea was THIS?

So on our way home Friday while driving by the orthodontist’s, we decided to stop in and see if we should get this nagging cut on B’s tongue addressed.  It seemed she was sucking or pushing her palate expander on the roof of her mouth while sleeping and it had put a pretty nasty gash in her tongue.  

Well, our lovely doctor decided that hey, why not get rid of the headgear now?  And after making B anticipate his answer for a good fifteen minutes, he thought it was ok to remove that palate expander now too.  (Envision child joyously celebrating right here).  

The joy was short lived.  This spontaneous appointment rapidly turned bad.  Very bad.  Apparently B had been shoving the brackets and expander up into the gums and when it came time for the supposedly simple removal, she screamed!  My non-crier girl!  It was horrifying.  It was pulling up pieces of her gums.  After a couple minutes of her sobbing and pain, I held her hand tightly and Dr. M used a drill to cut the brackets to loosen them a bit, making it a bit easier to get out. 

Seeing as his daughter is B’s age and he is our next door neighbor and knows B rather well, Dr. M was nearly as distraught as me! Apparently while we were gone to Montreal shopping on Friday with our girls, he came over and talked to my husband, telling him how worried he was about B and how it usually doesn’t happen that way.

Anyway, it’s out.  And we are happy.  Now.