Her Dad.

BsDaddy is present in her life.  Physically.  Financially.  Not really emotionally and certainly not spiritually.  The first two being the least important of the four in my eyes.  But not necessarily in hers.  Not yet anyway.  I make sure she knows that although he isn’t buying her material items as often as Mommy does, he is giving money to Mommy which allows me that extra spending ability.  And for her to be in expensive sports and activities.  She knows we both contribute financially to her lifestyle.  And she’s grateful.  Yes, even at nine.  That’s just how my girl rolls.

So, although he isn’t what I want him to be in her life-he’s there.  It seems to be enough for her-for now.  And I’m not going to rock that boat.

Although he could have been a bit more excited about her choice yesterday to do this to her hair:

And, as I keep reiterating to NewHusband, we can’t control what goes on in the other parent’s household.  Just like we wouldn’t love if they tried telling US what to do.  (But that’s hard advice to swallow when B tells me she tried to call me Friday night because she couldn’t sleep and she was alone downstairs at Daddy’s house and she worked herself into such a frenzy she had to go be sick in the bathroom.  And I didn’t get the call because I was on the lake where service is in and out, and she didn’t leave a message.  Although now, she knows to next time-TEXT your momma silly girly!).

This is much easier now that she’s nine and understands things better, than it was when she was three.  I used to cry my eyes out when she left for her Daddy’s. 

This post reminds me of that quote:  “Just because someone doesn’t love you like you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have”.  So maybe, he’s loving her the best he can.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura at Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman
    Aug 19, 2008 @ 22:15:15

    My ex is a spectre in my daughters’ lives even though he still (sigh) lives in the house. I love that quote. Yes, as long as it isn’t harmful, be thankful for the love she gets.

    Reply

  2. laurakim123
    Aug 20, 2008 @ 08:34:07

    Stunning quote!!!

    Kids seem to be alot more forgiving and accepting than we are!!

    But it is hard letting them go! I nearly had a mild fit when my SIX YEAR OLD told me his dad let him walk to the shop ON HIS OWN!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  3. Kellu
    Aug 20, 2008 @ 10:00:37

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her haircut! My daughter just announced that she’s sick of her long hair that is nearly to her waist. (After two years of “I never want to cut it!”) So I will be making an appt ASAP before school starts next week. I can’t wait to see it full and bouncy again.

    I think you have the right attitude about her dad. My two oldest children haven’t heard from or seen their dad in five years. His alcoholism and lifestyle choices don’t mesh with the court order so he has just dropped out. And frankly, due to his substance abuse and the bad things and people that come with it…..they are better off not having him in their life. And believe me, it makes me sad that it is the reality of our situation.

    It is good that her dad is there, even if it is more physically than emotionally. Not trying to guess his personality or make excuses for him, but sometimes I think SOME fathers just don’t know to connect or talk to their kids, especially if they are single. Back when my ex did see the kids, he always took them to his mother’s or brother’s or to a friend’s house because he did not know what to do with them. He wanted them (other’s) to entertain the kids. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with those visits to family or friends and I never discouraged it or suggested he do anything different on his time, it’s just that they did nothing else, and even his mother would inform me that it would get a little “old” on her part to do all the entertaining.

    I think all you can do is what you’ve been doing….encouraging her time with her dad and allowing their own relatinship to form.

    Reply

  4. littlemansmom
    Aug 20, 2008 @ 10:18:19

    Although love is shown in so many different forms, it still starts in the heart….and thankfully as children , they see that.

    Reply

  5. pisceshanna
    Aug 20, 2008 @ 14:31:19

    This is such a hard topic for me to think about cause my daughter IS that 3 year old (well 2 year old) and I do cry every time she leaves. I’m just hoping that one day I will have as much strength and clarity as you.

    Reply

  6. jenn3
    Aug 22, 2008 @ 11:43:27

    You have a great attitude about the situation. I know it isn’t easy. I think, as long as she is safe, it’s better to have her dad in her life, as he is, than to not have him at all. She will appreciate that she had him and she’ll respect you for not trying to turn her against him.

    Reply

  7. Cathouse Teri
    Aug 23, 2008 @ 10:15:51

    I love her haircut! That is actually my favorite cut for my own hair. Too hard to maintain, though, as it grows too fast.

    It’s the hardest thing in the world knowing that others don’t love your baby girl like you do. Especially when it’s their dad. I like how you try to see it from his side and consider that he just might love her as much as he is capable of doing so. That will strengthen her a lot when she’s going through times of disappointment. The fact that she sees you model that behavior.

    Daddies make their own trouble by neglecting their children. She will roll with it and turn out fine. But he won’t. And that’s the saddest part.

    Reply

  8. QTMama
    Aug 27, 2008 @ 11:59:14

    Ok maybe I’m blind or dumb, and I clearly admit to being both at some point or another in my lifetime, but … I can’t tell the difference between the two pics. I’m SORRY! What did she do? It sort of looks, lighter?

    And you really do have a great attitude about the situation. She’s lucky in that aspect alone.

    Reply

  9. Shannon
    Aug 27, 2008 @ 14:46:06

    Thanks guys. I’m trying, but I’m farther along in this than some of you. It comes, with much time. Her Daddy destroyed our relationship…well my trust anyway, about nine years ago this past July. It’s only gotten easier in the last two years. I let the bitterness fester and ruin a few other relationships before that.

    Reply

  10. mssinglemama
    Aug 27, 2008 @ 23:26:50

    So inspiring.

    Because lately – with Benjamin crying out for his Daddy – it’s KILLING me. I don’t want him to grow up too quickly but him being old enough to understand – now that will help. (I hope).

    Thanks for sharing this…

    Reply

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