Let’s see how far we’ve come…

I used to be all about drama.  I mean ALL about drama.

Any girl that went near my ex-husband was bait.  I didn’t want him, but I sure as hell did not want him to be with someone else.  I could…but he could not.  Selfish, yes.  Ridiculous, yes.  Irrational, yes.  Keep in mind, he was the reason our marriage ended-I was forced to make the choice I did..click here to start reading our story.

Fast forward to the present day, I recently loaned his live-in girlfriend my set of Twilight books.  This is no small prize friends.  I love those books.  They might be the only fiction, non classic literature books I truly do love.  But she’s enjoying them.  And it opened up a door to us texting casually.  Both about my daughters love of Pandora charms and about some more personal issues going on in her life.  My daughter loves that we’re chatting a bit more.  I love that I know this person who is present in my daughters life, if only a little bit better.  And I’m starting to wonder what on earth this girl is doing with my ex-husband?  We’ve come a long way baby, when I start feeling bad for the girlfriend.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. vinomom
    May 12, 2009 @ 14:15:24

    I just read the whooole dang thing while I’m supposed to be working. That’s one crazy story. Maybe I’ll sit down and write my baby daddy story down like that one day.

    Was scrolling through and saw that B’s had some sleep issues. Is she still having them? I’ve got loads of suggestions for that one as it’s something I’ve dealt with for years now!

    I know what you mean about the drama though. There used to be a lot of it in my life as well!

    Reply

  2. Jolene
    May 12, 2009 @ 15:25:16

    That actually made me laugh. The last part cuz that’s how I would feel if Dan and I divorced and he started dating. I would be jealous, of course, but in the back of my mind I would be like, “Ha, she’s stuck with him and his biyatch mom now, hope she likes taking care of a mama’s boy.”

    Funny how things come full circle.

    Reply

  3. Tricia
    May 13, 2009 @ 08:35:22

    Wow! You are lucky that you have come that far. My husband had an affair (two actually). We were married for twelve years at the time with two beautiful little ones. I sometimes think I’ll never get over the pain of that. It’s easier now, but the pain is still very intense. He has since gone back to her and it kills me every time he flies to Chicago to see her. (He won’t give me money, but sends her flowers and flies up there from DC every few weeks). Maybe that’s why it’s so hard that she is worthy of spending money on and my children don’t matter as much. I hope that one day I will have peace about it. I really hope so. Thanks for inspiring me that it will all be OK.
    Trish 🙂

    Reply

  4. jenn
    May 13, 2009 @ 10:41:38

    That’s awesome that you’ve come so far. And I’m sure it’s great for B.

    I would hope I would be that mature if I was in your situation, but I know it would be hard. I don’t know if I could do it. (I don’t have any contact with my ex and neither does my daughter, so it’s not an issue for us.)

    Reply

  5. Shannon
    May 13, 2009 @ 13:52:53

    VinoMom-glad you enjoyed, sorry to distract you at work. 😉 B has really triumphed over her sleep issues and lately they haven’t been much of an issue. Other than her stalling at bedtime to chat more, which is, in itself, pretty cute.
    Jolene-Yeah, you and I are pretty similar on a lot of levels. 🙂
    Trish-It does eventually soften with time. It still stings. I guess in my case the fact that he hates the girl he cheated with really helps. But I have to stay it stung when she had twins a few weeks ago. I personally wanted to go wreck HER pregnancy like I felt she wrecked mine. But honestly, what would that help? Well, other than making me feel good for a bit. 😉 You have to realize that it has nothing at all to do with you. He was somehow able to detach from you and from your children and it most likely had nothing to do with what you looked like, how you acted, what you didn’t do…although at first I thought those things were factors in my husbands infidelity. Some people are just “cheaters”. And hey, he may not cheat on this new girl yet…but if they were in a committed marriage, chances are he would eventually. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m constantly hearing about my ex cheating on his girlfriend and sorry to say that I feel somewhat vindicated by that…if only because hey, he cheated on someone else…it’s not just me…it’s all his relationships.
    Jenn, it’s sort of “lucky” you don’t have the contact. I’m ok with it now, aside from being nostalgic now and then when we have to talk to each other, but the beginning was really dreadful and nasty.

    Reply

  6. QTMama
    May 13, 2009 @ 15:13:25

    You have come a long way baby! I smiled reading this. Now, had we of told you so long ago that you’d be loaning your favorite set of books to her … what would you have thought? Heh.

    Reply

  7. dadshouse
    May 13, 2009 @ 18:55:33

    I was happy for my ex when she started dating. If her boyfriend shows poor judgment, though, it’s hard for me to want him around my kids.

    Reply

  8. kailivingwicca
    May 14, 2009 @ 20:03:42

    Congratulations on moving forward. I believe alot like dadshouse I am going to have more of a difficult time accepting someone new around my children than being with my ex. After ten-years of B.S I’m ready to auction him off to the lowest bidder (any takers?). I am just starting the journey of custody & divorce. I look forward to reading your future posts.

    Reply

    • Shannon
      May 15, 2009 @ 13:13:22

      I have had a difficult time accepting someone else’s female presence in my daughter’s life. Her father’s current live-in girlfriend has been around for about 4 or 5 years now and I would say that it’s only in the last year I’ve really started to believe that she could be a positive influence on B’s life. If only as a confidante or supporter, as some of her lifestyle choices aren’t ideal to me. But in the end, as long as she is kind and compassionate with B, all is well with me. In addition, B and I are so incredibly close, that I feel like there is no way anyone could ever “replace” me-so that threat isn’t an issue. When she was younger, I did worry about that scenario.

      Reply

      • kailivingwicca
        May 20, 2009 @ 00:51:41

        I suspect it would take me at least 4/5 years to accept the nature of another female caring for my children while they visit their dad. I hope like you I will carry the same attitude about it however at this moment I just can not foesee my self being overly pleasant with the “new girl”. Thank you for the direct comment reply.

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