Ouch!

Well here we go.  My first injury in ages.  I mean ages.  I’m almost ashamed to mention it beause I’ve been so injury-free through my last couple half marathons and racing seasons…I just don’t know, why now?

Last night I iced them (did the whole RICE) thing, but I can still feel them throbbing and can barely walk.  This happened once last summer too, but you all know how hard it is to take time off from running when you are in training!  Ugh.  Any input?  I know I shouldn’t have trudged through my 35 minute tempo run last night but I can be a fiesty little brat sometimes.  I also think I dropped a nasty word when I had to stop for a sec and make sure I could still stand when I stopped moving.  For some reason the faster I ran, the pain seemed to lessen (maybe just numb).  A little old man in his flower bed, doing some gardening sure got a suprise.  I better take a different route for awhile.

On vacation this week with my precious daughter.  We day tripped to Montreal and got some school shopping done, practiced diving, got her hair cut and spent loads of quality time together, biking and chatting and re-organizing her closet (her choice, she loves that stuff).  And she got a new Shrek Opi nailpolish.  Another variant of blue!  I love staycations.  Today is our loungy, rest day.  Stepson is at his mom’s for two weeks and then he’ll be back with us.   Our kids start school a couple days after Labor Day so it’s not all that far off now.  Are you done your school shopping?  My daughter isn’t so about it this year.  She got a few things, but she wanted enough to start out and then buy more throughout the fall.  Much different than kindergarten when she started with over 35 outfits.  Oh those little Gymboree outfits with matching shoes and hair accessories.  Those were the days.  Cardigan, tights, skirt, sweater and headband…all matchy-matchy.

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11 is the new 15.

My daughter is going to be 11 this month.  However she both looks and acts 15.  I blame much of this on the YouTube videos she is obsessed with.  See for yourself at  JuicyStar07 .  Now these aren’t harmful by any stretch.  They just involve make-up and a young fashionista.  My daughter is not allowed to wear make-up out in public.  It’s just something she is playing with and having fun doing in her spare time.  But she spends a tremendous amount of time organizing her lovely new vanity and jewelry box.  I will have to take photos of this and add them in later (since I am at work).

She is particulary obsessed with M.A.C. cosmetics.  Something she will get to indulge a bit on our trip to NYC for her birthday.  It is fun and I can understand the “collecting” aspect of this newfound fascination.  And I will admit, I love that she’s so about organizing her room…so thank you to Blair Fowler (Miss JuicyStar07 herself) for that.

But I must admit, it makes me really happy when her friend comes over and they play with their dolls.  After all, those American Girl dolls need some love too.  And I need to see my baby acting like…well, like a little girl.  At least once in awhile.

Name change?

I’m going to start regular posting again, as I’ve had some people mention that they are having a hard time finding a blog that deals with blended families.  My question for all of you is…should I change the blog title from “Former Single Mommy”?  If so, any suggestions?  Catchy of course, is always good.

I think we’ve done a good job with our “blending”, now that we are three years into it, I feel like I can discuss it much better and with more detail.  I do have to say that the road isn’t easy or for the meek.  It’s been a very interesting transition, one that I am excited to share with all of you.  And hopefully, it will help those of you who are just entering this new life, to feel less alone and to have a place to vent.

For my single mom friends…I still want to remain part of your chats as well, since that part of my life is very dear to me.  And as those with blended families will assure you, once a single mom, always a single mom.  🙂  I definitely have my own parenting thing going on, in addition to the blended situation.

For those unfamiliar with my dynamic, I married a man who has full-custody of his eight year old son.  The son does go to his mother’s quite often.  Every other weekend and more frequently on school vacations.  More on how this came to be, later.

Roll call…anyone else out there?

Find me at my new home!

Hi girls (and a few guys)!

I’m starting a new blog and want you guys to follow along-it will be a totally different vibe as it’s all about technology and fun gadgetry.  Since you got to know me while I talked about my most enduring and biggest love, my daughter-I’m hoping to stay in touch with you while I talk about my love of all things electronic.  I won’t shut this blog down, as I’d like to come back and update when I have time-but I have one simple request.  Please don’t mention THIS blog on the other one…of course that is always fine in a private message to me.  However, I’m planning on being very public with my Adk*Gadget*Girl blog and I’d rather that all the people who know me IRL don’t come back to this blog.  It’s not that there is anything secret-but it is from a part of my life that is very special to me, and that other people (especially people who haven’t been in the single parent trenches), probably won’t understand.  I think of all of you often-you made some lonely and some challenging times during my single parenthood so much less lonely.  I felt we were a team and bonded indefinitely and I still do.  Those of you whom I chatted with more frequently via this blog, well I’d love to find you on FaceBook too, so please message me.

Please come on over to    *adk*gadget*girl.wordpress.com  and leave feedback, questions and tips.  I plan on posting several times a week, and eventually hope on daily posting.  (Just leave out the asteriks in the blog title…that was just to derail Google-or at least try to).   I can’t wait to talk to all of you again.  *Adk*Gadget*Girl is soon to be a website all it’s own, which will link back to the blog as well.  I’ve missed all of you.  I hope your babies are all well and that you are all blessed and healthy.  And I’ve noticed several of you aren’t “single” parents anymore-congrats to you!  I hope that the love is huge.  But guess what…once a single mama…always a single mama.  🙂  It’s a mentality and a way of life.  See you soon. ❤

To the one who made it all possible…

Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

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I’ve spent my entire 35 years trying to please my very intense, Marine father.  However, I have not once felt the need to “try” to make my mother proud.  She just always is proud of me and has always made me feel very secure in her love.

I call her every day, with no particular topic or question at hand-just because I enjoy hearing her voice.  We are very different people.  My daughter is much more like her than I was, am, or ever can aspire to be.  They are both people-pleasers, always concerned about others, always trying to make people happy.  They have a genuine empathy that is instilled in their hearts and could not be faked.  They can both be very affected by things people say or do, albeit unintentional or just an offhand comment.  I am much more nonchalant and things roll off my back much more quickly and I am definitely not all sweetness and goodness as those two are.

My mother has set the bar so high for parenting it is almost impossible to attain.  She worked full time my entire childhood, cooked meals every single day, packed lunches, did all the laundry, sewed, quilted, gardened, painted and built…she is more Martha Stewart than Martha Stewart.  To this day, I ask her to hem pants or fix a pillow or any other chore that to her is routine, but to me a major undertaking.  Just recently, she revamped a too-large tablecloth into the right size, making the excess material into matching napkins and pillows for my sun porch.  Over the past 15 years she has taken care of her two elderly parents, her aging mother-in-law and helped all of them to die with dignity.  She has watched her children have children and has become the role model my daughter so desperately emulates.  She is the “fun” Nana who takes B hiking and playing outside and yes, shopping too!  She is a fitness fanatic and has instilled that love of the outdoors and exercise in both me and my daughter.

We are so different I sometimes have trouble understanding her reasons and her upsets.  When she is stressed out, I have a hard time being compassionate, as that’s not something I “get”.  I often say that I won’t allow stress in my life…I feel it is a choice and drama that I don’t have time to allow in.  She doesn’t understand the bittersweet feelings of remarriage and divorce and single parenting.  She’s been with the same man since she was 19.  (She conceived ME on her wedding night)!

Yet, sometimes, she still surprises me with a bout of open-mindedness.  Recently I told her the Twilight books were incredibly good and since I don’t usually love fiction and especially not popular fiction, she listened.  She’s now on the third book and surprisingly completely addicted!  My daughter and I adore movie nights at her house, where we snuggle up and eat junk food.

She is passionate and strong and hopelessly in love with my father.  She’s curious and loyal and always there.  Getting angry with her can upset me like nothing else can.  She’s ridiculously wrapped around my 9 year-olds finger and it both makes me envious and warm inside, all at the same time.  I can’t begin to imagine a day when she is not there.  I’m not sure I would be able to go on, without her in this world.  It gives me hope that my daughter too, might feel I am necessary, needed…long after she actually needs my physical presence every day.

Thank you Mom…I love you.  You have done the most exceptional job of mothering I have ever seen.  Thank you for giving me everything and then some.  For traveling to stores far away so I could have those Guess jeans back in 10th grade.  For allowing me all the sports and clubs and activites that kept you running for all my teenage years.  For hunting down a Cabbage Patch kid when I was crying each night because I wanted one so badly. For making every Christmas, Easter and even St. Patrick’s Day magical.  For gifting me with the most idyllic childhood imaginable.  For lying in bed with me, spooning behind me and holding me as I cried myself to sleep, the night my first husband left our home and I drove to your house, 7 months pregnant.  For supporting me as I stubbornly held onto my home for three years after leaving my husband.  For helping me when I bought a house in a more convenient location.  For being so happy when I remarried and built a new family.  For….just being.  I love you more than you can ever know.  And I appreciate it.  Every last thing…every day of the last 35 years, and 4 months.  There is no other you.  How lucky am I?

Happy 35th Mother’s Day Mom.

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Sweet child of mine.

So I woke up this morning and guess what?  You grew up.  Overnight.  You still snuggle me and give me kisses, but they are the kisses of an older child, who does it more to placate the parent, than for their own comfort.  I go into your room at night and smell your breath, still childlike and sweet and look at the length of you tangled up in the Hello Kitty sheets you still adore.  (Just last weekend, before leaving for your Dad’s, you said, “So Mom, if you wash my sheets, can you just put the same ones back on?  They don’t NEED to be washed, but if you do, can you just make sure you put them back on before I get home?  The same ones?  Ok?  Mom…the Hello Kitty ones you know?”.  Got it princess…got it).

I love how mature you have become and how enjoyable you are.  The things you require from me are no longer any sort of obligation or work, but fun!  We have such a great time together.  I drag you everywhere I have to go, because I so love your company!  Not all your friends are like this-their parents don’t love all their moments with them, but I cherish them.  I know you are the only baby I’ll ever have…and the days are just running right out of your childhood.

You are 9.  When I was 9, I was in 4th grade and had my first boyfriend.  We are still friends to this day.  I cared about what people thought.  I started to develop my own interests and opinions.  I know where you are at and I love how you are growing up.  But how I wish you would stay who you are now.  The girl who still loves when we go to Nana and Poppa’s and we get to sleep in the same bed and wake up together.  I dread the day that our relationship becomes “grown-up”.  Who will keep me young then?

Disciplining you, when I have to do it, albeit rarely, is tough.  I don’t like to see you sad, but I want you to be a good person.  So I do it.  And then I run in and hug you when you are sleeping and whisper in your ear, “I love you.  You are my favorite person EVER.  You are amazing and I adore you”.  then I sneak out, only to check on you several other times in the night (and tuck in that leg that inevitably pops out of the covers two seconds after I leave the room).  But it makes me tear up a little…to know you aren’t a baby anymore.  And you never will be again.  I blinked and it was gone. I won’t have a baby again.  Ok, now I might cry in studyhall…the students would love that right?

You now are a whole shoe size larger than me.  Shopping in stores that teenagers shop in.  Doing your homework because you CARE, not because I force you.  Talking about your dream jobs and what college will be like someday.  College???  Seriously?  Sweetie, make sure it’s someplace warm, because I know I’m going to have to be close by.

Those who can do…

So I’m leaving teaching.  I do not like it.  I’m not going to finish up the certification to finish out my Masters in the content (it’s pricey and involves lots of jumping through ridiculous hoops, as NYS is prone to require of it’s working people).  I will not do this job again.  I don’t like it…it’s boring and my brain needs some intellectual stimulation.  And crap.  I feel like I’ve been off half the year.  I thought I had minimal social interaction as a scientist, but there is even less as a teacher.  Unless you count my silly teenage Chemistry students.  Teaching college was fun…this, well I don’t even know what I would categorize this as.

I’m going back to my old job.  I had an “interview” on Monday.  It went remarkably well.  It was to work for two new investigators coming in…on a new system, a parasite that is a tremendous problem for developing countries.  And to be their lab manager for both labs.  It sounded like such a good fit and I even broached the whole possiblity of working part-time status, with 3 ten hour days and it was not dismissed…even stated as a very likely possiblity.  Also, it wouldn’t need me on regular schedule until some point in August, so I could still have this summer off with my girl.  It all sounds so good…the three days a week I work, B will have to get a sitter who can pick her up from school and stay with her for an hour or two.  And she’ll have to get up for school and get dressed, since I’ll leave before she’s up, three days a week.  We talked about it and she’s fine, since I’ll be home two more days a week now.  She’s going to be ten when this all happens and my husband will make sure she’s up and fed for school.  He already drops her at her Daddy’s house so he can bring her to school each day.  Hopefully this all falls into place as nicely as it sounds.  I’m so excited to get back to work.  And very grateful to all the people who are helping to make that happen.

And hopefully, I’ll have lots more time to blog!